The beautiful game

INT. FOOTBALL DRESSING ROOM.

THE FOOTBALL TEAM ARE SAT ON THE BENCHES LOOKING EXHAUSTED, DISHEVELLED AND DEJECTED.

THE MANAGER ENTERS LOOKING EXTREMELY ANGRY, FOLLOWED BY THE COACH, WHO STANDS BESIDE HIM SILENTLY.

MANAGER:
Just what the hell do you think you're playing at?! That was the most embarassing display of football I've ever witnessed! If Sir Walter was alive to see the way his team played today he'd be turning in his grave!

THE MANAGER LOOKS FOR A PLAYER TO SINGLE OUT.

MANAGER:
Ronaldagioni! What the hell were you thinking?!

RONALDAGIONI LOWERS HIS HEAD WITH SHAME.

MANAGER:
How many times have I told you? How often do I have to KEEP telling you! DON'T run your fingers through your hair when you're wearing hair-gel! You look like a bloody troll-doll! It took Freddy three hours to get that style right, and you ruin it before you even get a kick of the ball!

THE MANAGER TURNS TO ANOTHER PLAYER:
Buckham!! What's with all the mud!

BUCKHAM SHRINKS WITH SHAME.

MANAGER:
You go out there in a nice, clean football kit, and two minutes into the game you're rolling around in the dirt like a worm that's been kicked in the scrotum! Just look at you! Pull it together man! And for god's sake don't forget to smile! You spent half the match looking like you were trying to squeeze one out! (PAUSE) Speaking of which... where's Woony?

WOONY LEANS FORWARD RELUCTANTLY.

MANAGER:
You! What have I told you about screwing your face up when you kick the ball?! There are camera's out ther you know!?

THE MANAGER PULLS A GROTESQUE FACE THEN POINTS TO IT.

MANAGER:
Is is the face Joe Public wants staring up at them from the breakfast papers?! I think not!

THE MANAGER LOWERS HIS TONE, BUT RETAINS HIS ANGER.

MANAGER: (TO ALL)
This is just not good enough! Not by a long stretch! We're in the premiership now, which means we have to try even harder to look as god-damned sexy as possible - right?!

ALL: (HALF-HEARTEDLY)
Right.

MANAGER:
I said, RIGHT?!

ALL: (SHOUTING)
Right boss!!

MANAGER:
Good. Now sort yourselves out, put on clean uniforms, straighten your hair and let's show them what we're made of! (SHOUTING) Are you with me?!

THE PLAYERS STAND IN UNISON.

ALL: (SHOUTING)
Yes boss!

MANAGER: (LOUDER)
Now go out there and sparkle!

WITH RENEWED VIGOUR AND A CHEER, THE PLAYERS RUSH OUT OF THE EXIT.

MANAGER: (CALLING AFTER THEM)
And remember! Eyes and teeth girls! eyes and teeth!

THE DOORS SWING CLOSED.

THE MANAGER'S EYES BEGIN TO MOISTEN.

HE WAFTS AT THEM WITH HIS HAND TO HOLD BACK THE TEARS.

COACH:
Are you okay boss?

THE MANAGER STRUGGLES TO SPEAK FOR A MOMENT.

MANAGER: (ALMOST CRYING)
I'm just so proud.

THE MANAGER SUCCUMBS TO HIS TEARS.

VOCALISING HIS SYMPATHY, THE COACH HUGS THE MANAGER, REASSURINGLY PATTING HIS BACK.

FADE OUT.