INT. LAVISH OFFICE
KIM JONG-IL IS SITTING WITH HIS FEET UP ON THE DESK HOLDING A HALF EMPTY BOTTLE OF WHISKEY AND WEARING A PAPER HAT.
HE NOTICES THE CAMERA, SITS UP, RAISES THE BOTTLE IN CHEER AND SMILES DRUNKENLY.
KIM JONG-IL:
Herro you plicks! It's me, your venelable reader - Kim Jong-il! I'm having a party - would you rike to come? (PAUSE) Well you can't! It's a plivate party and YOU'RE not invited!
KIM JONG-IL CHUCKLES.
KIM JONG-IL:
It's a new years ceriblation just for me, my crose flends and my fammery.
KIM JONG-IL LOOKS AROUND THE EMPTY ROOM, THEN LEANS IN TO WHISPER TO CAMERA.
KIM JONG-IL:
Unfortunattery, I got a rittle tipsy rast night and had them all beheaded.
KIM JONG-IL SITS BACK AND RAISES HIS BOTTLE.
KIM JONG-IL:(MERRILY)
Happy new year!
FADE OUT.
................
INT. LAVISH OFFICE.
KIM JONG-IL IS SITTING AT HIS DESK HOLDING A BUCKET OF POPCORN.
KIM JONG-IL: (TO CAMERA)
Blokeback mountain and Clash finery made it to the
KIM JONG-IL TAKES A MOUTHFUL OF POPCORN.
KIM JONG-IL:
Come on Horriwood - bling back Bing Closby!
FADE OUT.
INT. LAVISH OFFICE.
KIM JONG-IL IS SITTING AT HIS DESK HOLDING THE TELEPHONE RECIEVER AND LOOKING AT IT IN DISBELIEF.
HE SLAMS DOWN THE PHONE AND ADDRESSES THE CAMERA.
KIM JONG-IL:
I just called that Condorissa Lice to ask her if she could help me with my erection and she put the phone down on me! (PAUSE) I don't understand these Amelicans, they say they want me to have a fair and democlatic erection, then when I terriphone to ask for help - they call me sirry names and hang up!
KIM JONG-IL SLAMS HIS FIST ON THE DESK.
KIM JONG-IL:
Make up your mind Amelica! Don't tell me to hold an erection then spit in my face! It's just not light!
KIM JONG-IL SMILES MISCHIEVIOUSLY.
FADE OUT.
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