Don't pay the ferryman

This is my least favourite script - very little humour and a bit... clunky, but I thought I'd throw it up here anyway.

EXT. RIVER BANK/NIGHT

A SIGN-POST READS; RIVER STYX.

SITTING IN A ROW-BOAT IS THE FERRYMAN (TOD), WEARING A DARK ROBE WITH A HOOD.

TOD'S FACE IS HIDDEN BENETH THE SHADOW OF HIS HOOD, BUT HIS SKELETAL HANDS ARE VISIBLE AS HE IS READS A COPY OF THE SUN NEWSPAPER.

JENNY APPEARS AND APPROACHES THE BOAT.

JENNY IS WEARING A WONDER-WOMAN COSTUME AND LOOKING LOST.

JENNY:
Excuse me!

TOD PEEKS OUT FROM OVER THE TOP OF HIS PAPER.

JENNY:
Hi. The guy over there said that you're supposed to take me across the river.

TOD LOWERS HIS PAPER AND SUCKS AIR THROUGH HIS TEETH.

TOD:
Well... I don't really like going south of the river at this time of night, but... go on then, jump in.

RELIEVED, JENNY STEPS INTO THE BOAT AND SITS DOWN.

TOD PULLS OUT A CLIPBOARD FROM UNDER THE SEAT.

TOD:
Okay, just a couple of standard questions and we'll be off. (PAUSE) Name?

JENNY:
Jenny Taylor.

TOD WRITES THE NAME ON HIS CLIPBOARD.

TOD:
Geni-talia... and, cause of death?

JENNY:
Unknown.

TOD:
Unknown?

JENNY:
Well, the last thing I can remember I was at a sci-fi convention, and somebody shouted 'Shatner's here!'.
Next thing I know I'm... well - I'm here.

TOD WRITES AGAIN.

TOD:
Geek-stampede.

TOD PUTS DOWN THE CLIPBOARD.

TOD:
Okay, that's that. There's just the matter of payment and we'll be on our way.

JENNY:
Payment?

TOD: (HOLING OUT HIS HAND)
Yes. It's two coins of any denomination to get from here to the other side.

JENNY:
But I don't have any money on me.

TOD: (RETRACTING HIS HAND)
Then I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to vacate the boat.

JENNY:
But I'm supposed to be on the other side.

TOD:
Supposed to be doesn't buy my pringles. I've got a living to make here, now go on... bugger off!

JENNY:
But what am I supposed to do?

TOD:
Anything you like love, just as long as you don't do it on my boat. Now go, on...shoo!

JENNY:
But...

TOD SHOO'S JENNY OFF THE BOAT WITH HIS PAPER.

TOD:
Shoo! Shoo!

JENNY STEPS ONTO THE BANK.

JENNY:
This is rediculous!

TOD:
Not as rediculous as you thinking you could get away without paying! Now go on, sod off and let me read my paper in peace.

JENNY:
But..

TOD SNAPS THE PAPER OPEN LOUDLY TO SIGNIFY THE END OF THE CONVERSATION.

JENNY STANDS AT A LOSS FOR A MOMENT.

JENNY:
Wait a minute! I have got some money! it's here in my boot!

TOD LOWERS HIS PAPER AS JENNY RETRIEVES A CRUMPLED TEN POUND NOTE.

SHE HOLDS IT OUT TO HIM, BUT HE RAISES HIS PAPER AGAIN.

TOD:
Exact change only.

JENNY:
What?!

TOD:
Two coins of any denomination - not a wrinkly old tenner that smells like your feet thank you very much!

JENNY:
You can keep the change!

TOD:
Sorry, coins only.

JENNY:
But what am I supposed to do now?

TOD SHRUGS.

A MAN ENTERS DRESSED AS A KLINGON AND STEPS INTO THE BOAT, IGNORING JENNY.

TOD PICKS UP HIS CLIPBOARD.

TOD:
Name?

MAN:
Brian Pickle.

TOD WRITES THE NAME, THEN REGARDS THE MANS COSTUME.

TOD:
Geek stampede?

MAN: (NODDING)
Afraid so.

TOD WRITES THE DETAIL.

TOD:
And do YOU have the right change?

MAN:
Well... I've got two collectors edition Klingon-coins. Will they do?

TOD:
Still in their original packaging?

MAN:
Of couse!

TOD: (EXCITED)
Woo-hoo! For that you get the short-cut!

TOD PULLS A MOTOR-BOAT ENGINE FROM UNDER HIS SEAT AND FIXES IT TO THE BOAT.

JENNY:
Can't I jump in with him?

TOD:
Sorry love, only one person in the cab at a time.

TOD STARTS THE ENGINE.

JENNY:
Well where am I supposed to get the right change from then!?

THE BOAT BEGINS TO PULL AWAY.

TOD:
Don't worry love, they're building a starbucks over at the pit of despair, you can get change there when it opens!

JENNY: (SHOUTING)
But when will that be?!

THE BOAT IS GONE.

JENNY LOOKS AROUND AT A LOSS THEN LETS OUT A HEAVY SIGH.

JENNY: (DISHEARTENED)
I could just do with a coffee.

FADE OUT.

END.