Customer Service

INT. ELECTRICAL SHOP.

JIM IS LOOKING AT A ROW OF MICROWAVE OVENS ON A LOW SHELF.

A SHOP ASSISTANT SLOWLY AND CREEPILY PEEKS HIS HEAD OVER THE SHELF, SMILING AT JIM.

ASSISTANT #1:
Can I help you sir?

JIM:

No thanks, I’m just browsing.

STILL SMILING, THE ASSISTANT SLOWLY LOWERS HIS HEAD BACK BEHIND THE SHELF.

JIM TURNS AND IS STARTLED BY A SHOP ASSISTANT STANDING IMMEDIATELY BEHIND HIM.

ASSISTANT #2:
Are you sure sir?

JIM:
Er.. yes, I’m fine.

STILL SMILING, THE SHOPKEEPER FLOATS BACKWARDS, FEET OFF THE GROUND AWAY FROM JIM.

JIM BEGINS TO LOOK WORRIED. HE INSPECTS THE MICROWAVES WHILE KEEPING A WARY EYE ON HIS SURROUNDINGS.

HE OPENS A MICROWAVE DOOR AND LETS OUT A YELP.

INSIDE THE MICROWAVE IS THE HEAD OF A SHOP ASSISTANT.

ASSISTANT’S HEAD:
If you change your mind just let us know.

TERRIFIED NOW, JIM BEGINS BACKING OUT OF THE STORE.

AN ASSISTANT STEPS OUT OF A FRIDGE.

ASSISTANT #3:
Our staff are fully trained to deal with your queries.

JIM DODGES ASSISTANT #3 AND RUNS FOR THE DOOR.

ANOTHER ASSISTANT SUDDENLY LEAPS OVER THE SHELVES TO BLOCK JIMS PATH.

ASSISTANT #4:
All our products come with an additional warranty option.

JIM SCREAMS AND RUNS AROUND THE AISLE AND DOWN THE OTHER SIDE.

SHOP ASSISTANTS START CLIMBING UP FROM BEHIND COUNTERS AND LURCHING OUT OF FRIDGES FREEZERS AND WASHING MACHINES.

ASSISTANT #5:
If you can’t see what you’re looking for I can check out the back.

ASSISTANT#6:
We’re having a special on toasters.

ASSISTANT#7:
We’re only here to help sir.

JIM GROWLS, RUNS FOR THE EXIT JUMPING TO THE FLOOR, SLIDING UNDER THE LEGS OF AN ASSISTANT AND OUT OF THE EXIT DOOR, PULLING IT CLOSED BEHIND HIM.

THE ASSISTANTS ALL LET OUT A UNIFIED GROAN OF DISAPPOINTMENT AS JIM CAN BE SEEN THROUGH THE WINDOW RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE.

THE ASSISTANTS BEGIN TO SLOWLY SHUFFLE BACK TO THEIR HIDING PLACES.

FADE OUT.

END.