INT. YIELDING'S BRAIN
THE INTERIOR OF YEILDING'S BRAIN LOOKS VERY SIMILAR TO THE INTERIOR OF THE ALBERT HALL - BUT MADE OF MEAT
YIELDING IS SAT IN THE FIFTH ROW FACING THE STAGE. HE HAS A CLIP-BOARD ON HIS LAP AND HE IS DRINKING HOT COFFEE FROM A 4LAUGHS MUG
GIBLET GIBBONS ENTERS AND TAKES THE SEAT BESIDE YIELDING
What's on the menu tonight?
Oh good - what's the prop?
YIELDING HOLDS UP THE 4LAUGHS MUG
It's a bit obvious isn't it?
Yeah, well, I'm not exactly on top of my game right now. I was up all night trying to make a bollock talk - so it's the mug or nothing
No thanks, I've just put one out
GIBLET IS CLEARLY CONFUSED
Shall we get started?
Okay! Let's have the first one!
GONAD WALKS CONFIDENTLY OUT ONTO THE STAGE, TOTALLY NAKED EXCEPT FOR A 4LAUGHS MUG WHICH HAS BEEN GLUED OVER HIS GENITALS
GONAD THRUSTS THE CUP IN YIELDINGS DIRECTION
This penis transplant wasn't the success I'd hoped for - now I get an erection every time I see a hobnob!
GONAD SCOWLS AT YIELDING AND EXITS THE STAGE
HECTOR AND SAUL TAKE TO THE STAGE. SAUL IS CARRYING A 4LAUGHS MUG, HECTOR HAS A REMOTE CONTROL
SAUL TAUNTS HECTOR WITH THE MUG
Nah-nah, nah-nah-naah! I've got a 4laughs mug and you haven't! Ha-ha! I'm better than you!
SAUL: (WAVING THE CUP)
Well, you may have a 4laughs mug..
HECTOR ACTIVATES THE REMOTE CONTROL AND A GIANT BLUE COFFEE CUP ON WHEELS ZOOMS ACROSS THE STAGE AND HITS SAUL, KNOCKING HIM TO THE FLOOR
..but MY cup runneth over!
SAUL STANDS AND BOTH MEN TAKE A BOW
THE TWO MEN ARE REPLACED BY MOLLY
MOLLY IS WEARING A GRASS SKIRT AND CARRYING A BANJO. HER BRA CONSISTS OF TWO 4LAUGHS MUGS TIED IN PLACE WITH STRING
MOLLY BEGINS PERFORMING A DREADFUL VERSION OF M-PEOPLE'S 'MOVING ON UP', BUT IN PLACE OF THE WORD 'UP' SHE EMPHATICALLY USES THE WORD 'CUP'
GIBLET: (TO YIELDING)
It wouldn't be so bad if those cup's weren't such a perfect fit
MOLLY SKULKS OFF STAGE AND IS REPLACED BY NORMAN
NORMAN IS DRESSED AS A GIANT 4LAUGHS MUG. THERE IS A FLAP IN THE GENITAL AREA OF THE COSTUME
I'm a little tea-cup, short and stout, look at my handle as I jiggle it about!
YIELDING AND GIBLET LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN HORROR
GIBLET AND YIELDING: (IN UNISON)
RENTAL IS DRESSED IN A WHITE POLICEMANS UNIFORM. HE HAS A GIANT 4LAUGHS MUG FOR A HELMET AND IS CARRYING A REGULAR SIZED 4LAUGHS MUG
RENTAL PUTS THE MUG TO HIS LIPS LIKE A LOUDSPEAKER
Step away from the biscuit!
RENTAL SULKILY WALKS OFF STAGE
YIELDING: (TO GIBLET)
This is just rediculous! How am I supposed to salvage a sketch out of this nonsense? I mean - look!
BOTH MEN LOOK TO THE STAGE WHERE SANTA CLAUSE IS CLUMSILY SETTING UP A DRUM-KIT MADE FROM 4LAUGHS MUGS
GIBLET: (TO SANTA)
SANTA SULKILY PACKS UP THE DRUMKIT
There's not much to work with is there? There's not one idea so far that's worth a whole sketch.
You could always put them all together in one sketch, throw in a couple of characters for reactions and dress it up like an audition
YIELDING LOOKS AT GIBLET IN DISGUST, LETS OUT A HEAVY SIGH AND POURS THE CONTENTS OF HIS 4LAUGHS MUG INTO HIS LAP
GIBLET SCREAMS LIKE A SCHOOL-GIRL AS HOT STEAM BEGINS RISING FROM HIS CROTCH
JANINE STORMS OUT ONTO THE STAGE WEARING DENIM DUNGAREES AND LOOKING QUITE MANLY
SHE ANGRILY HOLDS UP A 4LAUGHS MUG
Fifty reasons why a 4laughs mug is better than a man!
YIELDING PUTS HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS AND BEGINS TO SOB
Reason number one...!
Monday, 22 January 2007
INT. YIELDING'S BRAIN