Monday 22 January 2007

Call in and win, win, win!

INT. TV STUDIO.

THE STUDIO IS VERY SIMILAR TO THAT OF THE TYPICAL CABLE TV PHONE-IN QUIZ CHANNELS.

ALONG THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN IS THE SHOW'S PHONE NUMBER, THE CLOCK BESIDE IT READS 3:15AM.

ON THE LEFT OF THE SCREEN IS THE TITLE 'ANAGRAM CHALLENGE'.

BELOW THE TITLE IS THE ANAGRAM: ISKS YM RASE OYU ZPUZEL LOSVNIG KPSCIR!

GARY, THE EXHAUSTED PRESENTER, IS HOLDING A CLIPBOARD.

GARY:
Okay, we've got time for just two more call before we enter the rapid round, so...erm... I think we have Molly on the line. Molly, are you there?

MOLLY: (V.O. VIA TELEPHONE)
I'm here Gary!

GARY:
Glad to have you on the show Molly. Do you have the answer for us?

MOLLY:
I think I do - yes!

GARY:
Well, don't keep us in suspense Molly - what do you think it is?

MOLLY:
Is it... Little shop of horrors?

GARY: (FROWNING)
Little shop of horrors?

MOLLY:
Yes. (PAUSE) The original movie - not the musical remake.

GARY LOOKS AT THE ANAGRAM THEN BACK TO CAMERA.

GARY:
Are you retarded?

MOLLY:
Pardon?

GARY:
How the FUCK can you get little shop of horrors out of THAT?!!

MOLLY:
Is it not right then?

GARY:
Not right?!!! NOT RIGHT!!??

GARY THROWS DOWN HIS CLIPBOARD AND ANGRILY POINTS AT THE ANAGRAM.

GARY:
Three hours that bloody things been on screen! Three hours! And the closest anybody's got so far is 'Kiss me quick my donkey's a fish!'. I mean, Jesus Christ!!

GARY GRABS THE CAMERA AND SHAKES IT.

GARY: (CONTINUED)
Wake up!!! Wake up you shit-kicking hollow-headed no-clue-having morons! What is this? - National give the phone to a spastic week?! How the hell do you manage to dial the number?!! Is there a nurse with you?!

GARY LETS GO OF THE CAMERA AND TRIES TO CALM HIMSELF.

GARY:
If there's ANYBODY out there with a braincell that isn't trying to lick it's own elbow then please, PLEASE, call the number on the bottom of the screen and figure out this bloody anagram so I - can - go - HOME!!

GARY STEPS BACK AND CALMS HIMSELF, PICKING UP HIS CLIP-BOARD.

GARY:
Okay... (SIGH) we've got Donald on the phone now. Donald, are you there?

DONALD: (CHEERILY)
i'm here Gary.

GARY:
And do you have an answer for us?

DONALD: (V.O. VIA TELEPHONE)
Is it Chicken run?

GARY LOSES IT.

GARY: (SCREAMING)
Fuck off!

GARY THROWS DOWN HIS CLIPBOARD AND STORMS OFF.

THE STUDIO IS SILENT FOR A TIME.

DONALD: (V.O. VIA TELEPHONE)
Hello?

FADE OUT.

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