Sunday, 25 February 2007

BEHIND THE MUSIC: The life of Yielding Insanity

CHAPTER ONE: Yelly-baby’s first step.

On the 3rd of April 1971 in the working class town of Blackburn Lancashire Father G. Gibbons opened the door of the St. Judas orphanage to find yet another abandoned baby sitting on the doorstep. This was the fourth baby in as many days - an obvious result of the infamous Mungo Jerry concert at King George’s Hall nine months earlier, which you may remember rapidly descended into an orgy of lust when one of Mr Jerry’s stage technician accidentally electrocuted Mungo’s nuclear powered cod-piece and sent radioactive bursts of hot man-love pulsing through the audience. In total Mungo’s electro-spunk impregnated fourteen women on that fateful night, six of which abandoned their babies outside the St. Judas orphanage - but the child Father Gibbon’s found that morning was not the son of Mungo Jerry, this baby did not fly from the supercharged todger of a fly-by-night pop star, this child’s origins were much, much stranger.

The only link to the possible identity of the infant’s parents was in the strange item of clothing found wrapped around the child. It was a simple and quite common adults teddy-bear costume, one that you might find in any fancy-dress emporium, except that on the inside label of the costume somebody had written two seemingly random words – Yielding Insanity. It was estimated that young Yielding was approximately two days old when found and so (with a hint of irony) it was decided that the child’s official birth date would be the first of April.

Very little is known of Yielding’s childhood. Although he kept a daily journal Yielding has refused to disclose any facts about his youth, except to say that he was never adopted and was rarely seen by the other children at the orphanage, instead preferring to spend his time in deep conversation and theological discussions with the nuns who lived in the neighbouring convent. One fellow orphan who had heard about Yielding was Henry White…

‘The guy had a dog’s head! I couldn’t believe it. Not that I ever saw him though, I mean, we all knew he was there but Father Gibbon’s kept him locked in the garden shed so we didn’t really cross paths. One morning when I was cleaning out Sister Magdelaine’s colostomy bag I saw that the shed door was open and decided to have a look inside. It was amazing, the walls were full of these weird drawings and they had notes pinned all over them full of poetry and half-written stories – the drawings weren’t very good and the poetry sucked but it was still pretty impressive for a guy who could lick his own testicles if he wanted.’

While former orphan James Bellamy recalls a more sinister encounter…

I actually saw him a couple of times, the first time I was masturbating in the cabbage patch when he walked up behind me and asked me what I was doing. I’d never seen him before and the sight of a small boy with a big fat dog’s head scared the crap out of me, so I ran back into the orphanage with my pants around my ankles, screaming like a little girl. Unfortunately I ran straight into Sister Magdelaine and accidentally popped her bag with my pointy willy - which got me in a lot of trouble.

After that I kind of held a grudge so I stole a dog-whistle from a local Gypsy and started blowing it every time I went into the garden. He’d come running out of the shed howling like a wolf trapped in a testicle-vice and start rolling around the floor in agony, which was really funny to watch.

I kept this up for a couple of weeks and then one morning I woke up and I couldn’t find the whistle... and I had trouble sitting down. I found a couple of hairs in my room that pretty much proved it was the dog-boy, but Father Gibbons refused to listen and the theft went unpunished. I saw him one more time – later that day – and then I never saw him again. It was strange, I’d been suffering from an upset stomach all day and as I was walking through the garden I let out a long but silent fart, moments later the shed door burst open and dog-boy came running out, howling like a banshee and rolling around the floor in agony. I decided then that I wasn’t going to tease him anymore.

Yielding stayed at the orphanage until he reached the age of eighteen. On the first of April 1989 Yielding donned the suit he was found in, packed up his belongings and stepped out into the big bad world.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OH My GOD, I am rolling around in laughter.... thanks yeilding. keep up the work. Ill definitely enjoy this as much as I used to enjoy ur blog on Yahoo 360.